Thomas Jefferson Memorial
Church-Unitarian Universalist
Revs. David and Leslie Takahashi
Morris
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
November 19, 2006
Marriage (Four Horsemen of the
Apocalypse)
by John Justice and Leslie Takahashi
Criticism
Man
I went to the store. I think I got everything on the list.
Woman
Good. We need to start dinner if we’re going to have everything done before they get here. Did you get the ginger?
Man
Right here! Went to two stores to find it and the parking downtown was a nightmare.
Woman
What is this?
Man
Ginger root.
Woman
We’re cooking, not doing genealogies.
Man
It’s fresh ginger. Fresh is better, right?
Woman
Fresh is not better if your parents are arriving in two hours and the recipe calls for ginger powder. Why do I bother making lists since you appear to be illiterate? What about the dried tomatoes?
Man
Did the list say “dried” tomatoes? I thought you needed canned.
Woman
I told you I was making that pasta dish we had in San Francisco. Even the dog’s smart enough to know that no one used canned tomatoes in California. Well, I hope Mom and Dad are in the mood for Chinese take out.
Man
Do you want me to go back?
Woman
We only have two hours. When have you ever been able to go anywhere and get back in under three? No, I’ll go… That is, if you think you might be able to figure out how to scrub the toilet while I’m gone.
Contempt
First Woman
(Reading)
“I feel my skills will compliment the ones your present staff possesses, although I know I will have to acquire some of the technical training you are looking for. I am eager to do so because my heart is in this kind of work. In conclusion, I genuinely feel I am the right person for the position and I will be thrilled to meet with you to discuss it. Very truly yours”… What do you think of the letter? Will it get me the job?
Second Woman
“Very truly yours?”
First Woman
Would “Sincerely” be better?
Second Woman
Depends if you’re writing a prospective employer or Ann Landers.
First Woman
Oh. Well, I’ll change that. But what do you think otherwise? I’d really love this job!
Second Woman
“Love?” Is that how you “feel” about it? I can’t believe you would write that in a cover letter. This guy doesn’t care if you “feel” you’re right for the job. But, hey, if that’s what your “heart’ says, go with it.
First Woman
This is just a rough draft. I wanted to see what you thought about my approach.
Second Woman
I think it’s embarrassing. That drippy stuff about your heart—I mean… “My heart is in this work.” It sounds like that inane speech you made Thanksgiving dinner.
First Woman
I just wanted to let everyone know I was glad they had joined us… I’m sorry it bothered you… I hope I’ll at least get an interview.
Second Woman
Well, as you declared in front of all of those poor, appalled people who used to be our friends—you believe in miracles and the power of prayer, so I guess you have a chance.
Defensiveness
Man
Have you paid the MasterCard yet?
Woman
Don’t I pay it every month?... Don’t start with me.
Man
I just asked.
Woman
Don’t I pay it every month? Don’t I pay all the bills and go to the office every day and keep this place from falling apart?
Man
The reason I asked is we’ve gotten a late notice.
Woman
“We?” I’m the one who pays stuff every month. What do you do? Come in and pay through the mail like a spy to see if I’ve made a mistake so you can have the pleasure of jumping all over me.
Man
It’s my credit rating too.
Woman
It’s like the Beef Stroganoff.
Man
What Beef Stroganoff?
Woman
I spend all day making it because your father likes it and we eat it and he doesn’t say a word and then when they’re gone, you say it wasn’t good enough!
Man
That’s not what I said.
Woman
You make the Beef Stroganoff! You pay the bills!
Man
I said a little more sour cream and it would have been absolutely mouthwateringly perfect… So, did you pay the MasterCard?
Stonewalling
Woman
You’ve got to tell me – otherwise, we’re stuck.
(continued)
I don’t want to give up. I want to keep trying.
(continued)
If you tell me. We can work on it. Whatever it is.
(continued)
This isn’t fair. You’re being cruel!
(continued)
Come on, honey. It doesn’t matter what it is. There’s nothing we can’t face together. Remember?
(continued)
You’re not sick, are you?
Man
I’m fine.
Woman
Then talk to me… Is there someone else you do talk to?
(continued)
If there is, please just tell me.
(continued)
Have I done something that bad—to make you this angry—to make you not talk to me—not look at me. Will you at least look at me?
Man
(looks pointedly at her)
Woman
Do you want to give up? Give up on us? On me? Do you want to leave? If you do, you can—but I just want to know. Please?
Man
Look… I’ve got to pick up some stuff from the office. I’ll be back for dinner.