(by RevWik on behalf of the Committee)

A common mode of communication in congregations is called “triangulation.”  Triangulated communication consists, first of all, of me … talking to somebody else … about you.  There’s nothing particularly wrong with that, of course.  When it becomes problematic is when I ask that other person to go and talk to you, expecting that you will give them a reply that will then come back to me.  One way of thinking about this is that I am talking about you, and you are responding to me, yet neither of us is talking directly to the other.
At its most absurd, this is what is often seen in early adolescence.  One boy likes another boy but doesn’t want to risk finding out if that boy likes him, so he’ll ask a friend to go and find out for him.  Sometimes it works out fine, but there are a great many romantic comedies built on the premise that such triangulated communication is open to a great many difficulties.  Triangulated communication very often leads to miscommunication.

In a covenanted community such as ours it is always best to go directly to the person you have an issue with, whether that issue is good or bad.  Yet sometimes that isn’t comfortable, so we have the Committee on the Ministry as a place to go with your comments, questions, concerns, and even your praise.  The members of the Committee will work diligently to make sure that the communication does not become triangulated but, instead, is clear and direct.

First, they’ll suggest that you talk directly with the other person involved.  Then they’ll offer to go with you to talk with that person.  Finally, they’ll agree to take your feedback to the next Committee meeting, yet only with your name attached to it.  With anonymous feedback there is really no way of interpreting or responding to it, and it is a break of our covenant with one another.

Is there something that you need to communicate to someone regarding the life of our congregation?  You can email the Committee at com@uucharlottesville.org. If you want to talk with a person face-to-face, our Committee on the Ministry for the 2015-2016 church year consists of Doug Webbink, Ruth Douglas, Katharine Maus, Lisa Shutt, Beth Jaeger-Landis, and Cathey Polly.